Busy at home, with children at public school

An interview with an older sister…

Your kids all went through public school. How did you navigate your family through that time?

It was a challenge to know how many, or how much of school activities we should participate in. We decided not to put them into after-school sports, even though one of our sons showed promise and was asked to join a team. We felt it was important that, if he joined a team, he take responsibility to support that team fully. It was more important that the kids not miss any ecclesial events because of extra-curricular activities, so we felt we could not commit to a team. The kids knew that the ecclesia came first.

We made sure they did their homework, piano practice, Sunday School homework, and memory verses. Don’t leave it up to them. Check their work. All kids need to be pushed a bit. We let one of our kids stop piano lessons early, as there were other things he needed to prioritise at school.

My eldest graduated from a regular high school, my next two children completed their last two years at home, and my three youngest children all were able to do distance learning at home for their high school years.

How were your children’s friendships at school?

We didn’t associate much with friends from school. We watched the friendships our kids had. For example, our eldest daughter had a friend with whom she walked to the bus stop. They never became very close, which was just as well. One of our sons went to a birthday party when he was in grade 2. The family seemed nice, but they ended up watching a movie. Thankfully, he was able to tell them that he was not allowed to watch. For the most part, they didn’t go to their school friends’ parties except for the odd one. They had cousins who lived in the area, which made things easier.

We also took them to a Christadelphian kids’ camp a few times. We travelled across the country in a trailer to get there. Over the years, we made the trip six times! We wanted them to develop friendships. Sometimes they enjoyed it, sometimes not. It depended on the group. That’s life.

All my children accepted the Truth early and were baptised young. They are all well-married in the Truth. We tried not to interfere unless they were going with someone unsuitable.

What routines worked well for your family while your kids were in school?

We always did readings right after supper, except on Bible class nights and Sundays. We did all three readings but did not discuss them deeply. As they got older, we did projects during the readings, like looking for specific words, or Bible-marking certain themes. Some of the themes we Bible-marked were, for example, all the prayers in the Bible, Old Testament citations in the New Testament, and passages to do with the Kingdom of God. When they were really little, they would stay up for one reading; we were realistic about what each child was ready for!

The elementary school was close by, so they were able to come home for lunch. My husband was also able to come home for lunch. He would read books at lunchtime, like The Adventures of Buster the Bear by Burgess. We had a bedtime routine where he would play with them, for example, wheelbarrow them to bed.

Every year we would go camping as a family, and in the summer, we would go to the lake with others in the ecclesia. We also went on family bike rides and went cross-country skiing together (one year I went skiing while pregnant!).

Now, we have one of our kids’ families over almost every Sunday, plus another family from the meeting. Two of our kids live far away with their families. We try to visit them at least three times a year.

Did you have help raising your kids?

Both their grandmothers lived in the same town for a time. My mum and my mother-in-law were available to watch the kids if necessary; maybe one afternoon a week for a little while. I volunteered at one of my son’s kindergarten classes one year and they took my younger kids for that morning. My sister lives here, too, and we traded childcare. I tried not to overdo it and keep it to once a week at most.

How did you handle ecclesial conflicts as a family?

It’s best if the kids not know. Be careful not to say things negatively and let the ecclesia be a positive experience.

If a child has a conflict, we tried to bring the child’s focus onto him or herself. Listen to the child, then say, “What did you say? What did you do?” The worst thing is to feel sorry for your child. Encourage the child to be nice, no matter what. Things are not always going to go smoothly; that’s just part of life.

What advice do you have for young mothers?

Your own children should take a big priority. Choose your activities so that you and the family don’t get too busy. Ask yourself, ”Am I being impatient with my own family?” Even if it’s good things like visiting other ecclesias. It’s not that I didn’t do things. I always taught at Bible school and for Sunday school, even when my kids were little. It’s just you can’t do everything. Be there for your kids.