Growing and being refined by trial, to better find compassion

An interview with an older sister

This sister grew up under very difficult circumstances, with her mother dying while she was a young adolescent and her family passing through very dark valleys of life. She has borne heavy burdens of grief, scarcity, pain, and chronic illness. God, through her experiences, has made her hand wise and generous in reaching out to others around her, no matter their appearance or circumstance. She speaks wisely on how to support others in their pain, and how to thankfully and graciously receive what God has given us.

Are there certain brethren and sisters who have really impacted your life?

There was a brother who would listen without interrupting. He would listen and then calmly say, “It matters not what they do, it matters what we do.” At the judgement seat, we give an account of ourselves, not of that other person. I remember one time, during a very difficult time, he listened to me vent, was able to look through it, and said, “Your faith is big enough to get you through this.”

Another brother once said concerning anything that comes my way, or that is said to me, that I need to blow the chaff away and keep the good. I had been looking for compassion in the brotherhood and hadn’t found any. I had to see myself as the one to apply mercy and compassion. It was through that, that I was able to take in other things said to me.

There was a sister who was here for a short time, a very gracious sister. Sitting beside her, I saw she had poetry inserted into her Bible. I had never seen that before. She said that she had poems in her Bible to remind her that it’s not just intellectual knowledge that matters, but that we continue to grow in the character of God, that we sometimes have to lean into and go with the pain. We have a need, but the remedy is painful. We have to open up to that pain. Transformation is painful. We must stop at times and develop the belief that it is for us, for our benefit. God gives us good and evil, cloud and sunshine. Today we may feel failure, but we have to go on.

We need to get to the point where we can let go of our own needs—for example, “I need this person”, and “I need my situation to change”—and allow God to work.

How can we show compassion to others as sisters?

I remember one brother once saying that the most frightening thing for him would be to find himself as one of Job’s three friends. If someone is in agony, why would we heap instruction on them? Yet there they were. They had full intention to be his friends but had taken it on themselves to set him straight. Job spoke first. He opened himself, made himself vulnerable, said things that were uncomfortable to hear. Sometimes we need to see through the venting, we need to just listen, not explain, or fix things. Sometimes we let them know honestly that we know how they feel; if we have felt the same.

We can be afraid of our own emotions, fearful to discuss our Master’s suffering for fear of sounding too Catholic, and fearful of discussing our emotions for fear of sounding too evangelical. Sometimes we need to diffuse a situation by acknowledging the emotion and seek to understand it.

We must not think that we must act because we are the only ones who can do something to help a situation. God can work with whatever situation. Remember Esther? When the opportunity arises, just do. We are not to do things only when we can foresee some benefit. We may never know what result our labour has. Remember Samson’s mother? She was dead by the time Samson turned back around to God.

Have there been times when it has been difficult to show compassion?

If it is difficult to feel compassion, try acts of kindness. Once, there was a young man who was part of our ecclesia for a short time. I didn’t like him. I started inviting him for meals and consciously making an effort to talk to him. By the time he left our ecclesia, I genuinely felt sorry he was going.

Joseph held his brethren at arm’s length for a while when they came to him in Egypt. This is a truth of how we act in certain situations in which we have been hurt. There is a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing. In these times, we can be the ones guilty of suspicion. It’s important to see that we have no power to change anybody, even when we are seeking them. We are not to think we are the ones who have the power to change others; that is God’s work. Joseph did not make himself vulnerable again with his brothers until he saw remorse, but he tested them without spite; he provided for them.

We have to respect each other’s situation as to what each person can do. If I cannot do a particular service, I am respecting my limits. If I am able to do it, I give it my all. We must honestly take into account our priorities: our husband and children and other responsibilities in order to be aware of our own limits. There is no need to let our limits be influenced by the possible misconceptions of other people about ourselves, or by comparing ourselves to others.

Image Credit:

Feature Image by Michael Foley on Flickr with minor modifications.